"When we have a private moment, I'll show you what's in my briefcase," the U.S. Secretary of State actually said.
U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry was in Moscow on Thursday to meet with Russian President Vladimir Putin about Russia's long-standing support for Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
Alexander Nemenov / AFP / Getty Images
But before they could get down to brass tacks, Putin had some sass for the secretary. "When I saw you getting off the plane and carrying your things, I got a bit upset," Putin told Kerry, according to AFP.
"On the one hand, it's very democratic, on the other hand, I thought, things must be getting bad in the US," Putin said with a small laugh, "if there is nobody to help the Secretary of State with his briefcase."
Alexander Nemenov / AFP / Getty Images
"One would think it's all going well with the economy, no significant layoffs -- but then I thought, maybe there was something in that briefcase that you could not entrust to anyone, something valuable."
"It must be money you brought, to better haggle with us on key issues," he said, implying that Kerry was prepped to bribe someone in the Kremlin.
Alexander Nemenov / AFP / Getty Images
Which is...weird. But here's where it crosses into fanfiction territory. "When we have a private moment, I'll show you what's in my briefcase," Kerry told Putin. "I think you will be surprised, pleasantly."
...What.
Alexander Nemenov / AFP / Getty Images
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